Smile a While!

An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then  casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
‘No’, he replies,’I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it..’
The intrigued woman says, ‘a state-of-the-art watch?
”What’s so special about it?’
The Aussie explains, ‘It uses alpha  waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’
Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
The woman giggles and replies  ‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,’ Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’

You Don’t Stop Laughing Because  You Grow Old……You Grow Old  Because You Stop Laughing

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good  shape, was sunbathing on a mostly  deserted beach at Ft. Meyers, Florida.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age,  also in good shape, had walked up, placed his
blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up  a conversation with him. “How are you today?”
“Fine, thank you,”  he responded and turned back to his book.
“I love the beach. Do you come here often?”  she asked.
“First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,”  he replied and turned back to his book.
“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed  away three years ago and it is very lonely,”
she countered. “Do you live around here?”
“Yes, I live over in Cape Coral,” he answered,  and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest,  she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”
With that, the man dropped his book, came over  to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave
her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle,  she gasped and asked the man,
“How did you know that was what I wanted?”
The man replied,  “How did you know my name was Katz?”

The telephone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting…
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use
of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mom: Same here, I don’thardly use this home telephone, I use my work
telephone.  Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile phone.
Now all eyes were on the maid, waiting for her response…
Maid: So manje yintoni ingxaki apha? ( So what is the problem here?) We all use our work telephones

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